I will be candid with you again and tell you that I wasn't even sure if I wanted to give "birth" to a child-because I didn't want to give up doing ME and living the FABULOUS LIFE that I've lived in my almost 15 years here in the Big Apple (I especially didn't want a child without a Husband). I thought ok-maybe if I'm not married at 42-I will adopt a child. I knew I had a lot of love to give, and adopting a child would've been a good thing to do. I also knew that having a child was one of the biggest responsibilities anyone could have in this lifetime. I didn't want to "screw" it up -and yes I didn't want to be a "Selfish Mommy" who couldn't put her child first because she didn't know who she was and hadn't lived her own life before she had to live for her Child-that is how I see Parenting. Oh well-no sense crying over "spilled milk" as they say.
Let me give you a glimpse of what I mean by Fabulous-I have dined with Captains and Leaders of Corporate America and Heads of State at the ELC (Executive Leadership Conference) and at Bill Clinton's 2nd Inauguration to Obama's first. I've partied with Music Moguls like "Sean Combs" when he was still calling himself "Puffy" and he threw some of the HOTTEST parties of all time back in early 2000/late 90's -I was right there on top of the tables with them! I remember going to Aaliyas last Album Release and Puffy-now known as Diddy's- 35 Birthday party on the arms of a cast member from "The Wire". I remember being at Beyonce's 25th at 40/40 NYC. I was at Alicia Keys debut album party at Niketown, I've been to Film Premieres and walked the red carpet-remember Brown Sugar??? (That is still a Favorite and a classic, and I rubbed elbows with Taye Diggs and the cast). I remember being at Musiq Soulchild's album debut party and actually standing next to Jay-Z and having a conversation-he was MAD COOL-I knew even then he was destined to be great. I have partied on tops of tables with my Bosses on Tuesday's nights at Joe's Pub-where I first saw John Legend-who was then John Stephens-play with a full ensemble right before he got his deal. I did Monday nights at the Cheetah club when it was hot and Keyshawn was with the JETS! Hell I remember seeing Fat Joe up in the club getting his BARE belly rubbed. (Much Respect to the Dead -but I tell you that was NOT a pretty sight!) I have attended a private birthday bash for Stevie Wonder -where he graced us with song. I was at Ne-Yo's Champagne life party where we sipped Moet Rose until champagne was coming out our noses -and yes for 4 years was in the VIP backstage at ESSENCE Music Festival and have made some pretty great contacts and exchanged numbers with more than a few well-known hearthrobs! : ) BUT NOTHING, AND I DO MEAN NOTHING -TOPS THE NIGHT I MET MAXWELL. I met him backstage at Radio City (Pretty Wings Tour) -where he kissed my HAND AND TOLD ME I WAS BEAUTIFUL!! SWOOOOON! and later-I SAT NEXT TO HIM IN VIP with none other than...WAIT FOR IT....PRINCE!!!!!-MY ALL-TIME MUSIC IDOL!!! (I seriously died that night). That's what I call a NEW YORK MINUTE FOLKS! You never know what will happen but sometimes it happens just because you are here and in the right place at the right time!!!
You get the picture??? I've traveled all over the USA, the Caribbean and been to Europe and have stayed at some of the finest Hotels and Spas. I love to travel and I have an ADVENTURER'S Spirit! I'm a Skiier who has been to MANY an NBS (National Brotherhood of Skiers) Summit. Even in my last job, I regularly wined and dined clients at 4 star and 5 star restaurants with my Corporate Amex. I can tell you there have been consecutive years where I would never make it home before 10pm on ANY WEEKNIGHT , and I have had my share of 3Am-4am nights on a weekday when I still had to get up and be at work at 9am. WORK HARD/PLAY HARD-it's always been a motto. Also, that's just a way of life we lead here in NYC- especially those of us in Media, Entertainment and the Arts. You can't impress us with a party-we've seen it all and done it all!
Soooo ...I say all that to get you to understand, the significance of my DRASTIC life change-bought on by Pregnancy. I am home most of my days now since I'm not working. When I do go out, I'm home by 9pm-if I get in at 11pm-Mercy on me-because if you see me I'm walking down the street as if I have lead in my shoes and I'm trying to keep my behind from falling over from sheer exhaustion! My evenings are now planned with what's on TV. Countless marathons of various reality shows on Bravo, Style, E, WeTV and the Food Network are now my poison of choice! Oh-did I mention I was a VERY SOCIAL Drinker???( Those who know me know I could kill a bottle of Goose or Ketel One all by myself , and I'm a self-proclaimed bartender who mixes a mean cocktail and throws a hell of a party too!) Those days are LOONG GONE-I haven't had a SIP of alcohol since the day I found out! I hear CRICKETS on the regular in the house-as I have full conversations with my cat Hunter and expect a response back. The worst of it is, I'm tired but my Pregnant body won't let me sleep for more than 4 hours cuz I gotta get up and go pee and then I can't get back to sleep!!
I have no one here to rub my belly, to cook me food, or to talk to. It is lonely-and for an extrovert like me who loves to be around people-it is sometimes depressing. However, I feel that at 40-it's time, and not only that-this is God's time to work on me. It's Time to slow down, Time to think about different priorities-Time to be a Mom. I have never thought it sexy to be the "old chick" or "dude" in the club. All that time partying and living a "Lifestyle" never swayed me from what I deemed was truly important-and that was Love and Family. I dreadfully feared turning 40 and not being married. I cried when I was graduating Howard and was not married at 21-silly right?? Who knew? Despite my worries, I turned this life into a Fabulous Life-and I lived for the moment and in the Present. Now, I can't wait for these next moments-the new transition of being a Mom and living for my Child. I've lived for Me-and I won't stop living for me because My Baby will have a passport and live fabulously right next to Momma. The real party, and the real journey-is just about to begin.