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Monday, September 12, 2011

Hi Haters!!

"No matter where I live, despite the things I give'll always be this go head and Hate on Me Hater, Now or Later-cuz I'm gonna do me, you be mad Baby!!! ...You can't hate on me, cuz my Mind is Free, Feel my Destiny, So shall it BE!"-Ms. Jill Scott

Now we take a break from our regularly scheduled programming ..because I gotta "runtelldat" for a minute. Yeah-I said it!! LOL.

When people think the chips are down, they really show their "arses". There have been a lot of things said and done that really have helped me to evaluate who my "true" friends are in my present situation, and the people that I can trust. To quote the Preacher in his Sunday Sermon this past Sunday.. "There is no Product with the Promise" ...meaning people are doing "False Advertising". The sermon, based on 1st John 3:16 (not to be confused with John 3:16) was about a love supreme. Folks today are talking about having a love supreme but the love within them is missing" so in other words...we are advertising but we don't have the Product to back it up!

Let me give you an illustration. My Child's Father is somewhat of a Religious Zealot. At first, I thought wow, a Man who reads the Bible everyday, quotes the scriptures..he's gotta be righteous. NOT. Instead of working or looking for a job, he would sometimes spend his time locked up in my spare room for 8 hours, 24 hours and even a 48 hour Bible Study sessions on the computer with Preachers -with only bathroom, sleep and food breaks.. He would barely talk to me and then when he came out of the room would say "What's for Dinner?" Huh??? Every church I took him too...he blasted the Ministers and said these churches aren't preaching the right things and I'm not going to any of them-All of these people think they are going to Heaven by Tithing but they are going to Hell!"

In the meantime, he had no problem being verbally abusive to Me and his Mother, completely disrespectful and just downright mean. I would question him about how could he study the Bible so much and not live the Principles? Something was off there!! He prided himself on never smoking or drinking-so I guess that would get him into heaven. The kicker was this self-righteous, bible zealot actually lied to people the day after I put him out...and told HIS FRIENDS & MUTUAL FRIENDS -that I hid my pregnancy from him for months and that when he found out..he begged me to be involved! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Ok-so maybe he's crazy and that was not a shocker..but what happened after was. You see...he was providing a product-with no Promise.

One so called friend actually called Me to question what this man had told her. This is someone I had known for 10 years and even though she "showed me her arse" several times-I always forgave her and no matter what drama she would pull me into...I would have her back. She knew my Child's Father for not even 10 months, but became mad at me when I told her he is not to be trusted and there were some pretty ugly things he said about her...she basically told me off, "unfriended me" but NOT after she became friends with my Baby Father and now EX on FB. She was offering a Product with no Promise-that is NOT what I call a true friend.

Another friend really broke my heart...someone I considered to be very close to me. Someone I always tried to be there for, even when she used me as her punching bag. Ironically, this same person wrote something recently about compassion -and all I could do was think really?? What does she know because she didn't show me an ounce of it. Not even a phone call after I had to put that Man out or when my I was going through pure hell at work. When I got promoted, instead of congratulations-she said, "Why-what does that mean for everyone else?". When I told her I was in a relationship with my Child's Father, she literally started CRYING. She had recently gone through a breakup and she said it was because she didn't want to see me get hurt. When I told her I was pregnant...BLANK STARE. No congratulations, no reassuring words like "don't worry Sis, in spite of what your going through-things will be fine, it's a blessing!". Nope -not quite reactions I would have hoped for from a "friend". You see, she also was advertising the "Product with no Promise".

If there is one characteristic you could use to describe is LOYAL. I'm loyal to a fault and to my own damn detriment. People that should get cut off don't get cut off soon enough sometimes and I staunchly defend those I consider my peeps when everybody else is calling them "Stank ass Hoes, Phony, and Backstabbing Bitches." I stay with Men maybe longer than I should and I maybe do more than I should because I am the "Stand by your Man and proverbial Ride or Die woman" I am also the person that as your "friend" will sometimes tell you the things you don't really want to hear...but it is done from a place of love because I want to protect you. Being in my situation, has really opened my eyes. Something really has happened to the "LOVE" in people.

Another thing I have to note is that "Silence" is NOT always Golden. Silence is sometimes a Killer as the Pastor said. "To say something, is an act of Love". One mutual friend of both me and my Child's Father told me "he didn't want to know about all that and he was giving that man the benefit of the doubt...and furthermore, no one was really concerned about what had happened..they just wanted the best for the Child!" Really??? Not what I expect from the "Morehouse Men" and best friends of this man who abandoned all of his responsibility. What happened to holding people accountable for their actions? I'm not perfect, but I told him "you know me and you know I'm a good woman and no matter what has happened between people, no Woman deserves this kind of treatment." And Brothers wonder why Sisters are so bitter sometimes??? Maybe if you held each other accountable....they wouldn't think it was ok to do such rotten shit...but no..."it's not your business.". I'm sorry, but that's not love-you are not helping your friends by keeping your Mouths shut if you care.

Lastly, someone said to me, "maybe the right people are not reading your blog and your just giving them more fodder for gossip". To that I say.."Go ahead and Hate on Me Haters"! . Yes you can keep reading the blog! If I gave a shit about what anyone thought, I wouldn't have wrote it. Furthermore, if your "MAD" because you feel I should've TOLD U certain information...ponder on why I didn't...maybe it was because "I didn't feel the LOVE!" know who you are.

And to those of you who can call me when you want a business contact, a hook-up, or a reference, but you don't even pick up the phone to ask "how are you honey..Is there anything you need?" or just to say "Hi D" -I got your number now! All Product and NO PROMISE.

At this time, I have to now concentrate on giving that PRODUCT WITH A PROMISE and that SUPREME LOVE to my Baby Girl.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming...Until next time!



  1. Hard lessons in life Dayna. As painful as they are, remember but forgive and you will grow stronger and find your place of peace that no one can touch, AMEN cuz! I once heard a wise man advise, "trust only God and your Mother and you will not be disappointed.." Love you cuz xoxo

  2. I would have loved to see a happy "chocolate pecan pie" ending to this piece. :) Love ya.

  3. Supreme love, you nailed it. Sometimes God has a way of moving people out of our space, let him. WHen we pray for clarity, accept it. Don't be attached to any of the outcomes and look forward to the beautiful journey that lies ahead. XOXO

  4. We get very disappointed when people are not meeting the expectations we set for them. Yet, these same people have always shown their true selves to us along with how they would handle a situation. However, most of us do not have our eyes and ears open, and then get mad when we finally do. Know that people are in your life for a reason, a season and some for a lifetime. Your child chose you and your ex, and is very capable of handling what will be coming down the pike. There is never a need to be bitter because the story has already been written. You gotta keep creating new chapters, not going back for edits and revisions on a scene that has been played out several times over-and-over. My two cents.

  5. Hey girl!
    It's very clear to me that you have been really hurt, not once but many times. Know that I am so sorry for your pain. It is impossible to see those whom I care for in pain and not hurt myself. So in that way, I feel you. I am praying for your healing and your peace. I hope this piece was cathartic for you as I know haters are real. Know that even though they exist your power comes from one greater than they. Shake the dust from your fly-shoed (although probably swollen) :) feet and move on. Love you lot's!

  6. Sad, but the truly bright spot in all of this is that you'll be stronger for it, and will be able to pass that strength onto your baby girl and, simultaneously, use that same strength to create the best environment for her.

    People disappoint; it's an unspoken, unshakable part of our DNA. I have a friend who would always talk about how certain people he considered friends would not do for him what he would for them. I just had another chat with a friend who is hurt by the betrayal of a friend we've known since grade school.

    I reminded him that the currency of trust fluctuates like any other—mainly because our actions determine the value we assign to it. It's the very reason why some friendships from childhood don't carry the same sentimentality when we become adults. Our needs become different. We grow an individuals (or not). Our experiences become more a part of how we define ourselves. True friends understand that and, in fact, become your companions in that journey. Hangers-on tend to show themselves before too long. I know it stings, but there are valuable lessons in those encounters. You will be the better for it. already are. Once the smoke clears, you will be surrounded only by those who place as high a value on trust as you do. Indeed, that's good company for you both.

  7. On Blast... Damm... I hope there is not a blog about me floating around somewhere... Hmmm...

  8. I think you just about covered it all D! It's unfortunate that the innocent have to suffer because of the selfish, thoughtless acts of adults (and their BS) but you're a strong sister and I have no doubt will come through the other side of this chapter better, wiser, stronger than ever. Don't let no one steal your sunshine:)!

  9. You learn a lot about people in times of need and when you are no longer working in the industry. I take it as a blessing, you now know to no longer to invest your time and energy with them.