"I've got evidence, I've got confidence, I'm a conqueror, I know that I Win. I know who I am, God wrote it in his plan for me, ooh, ooh, ooh-My Name is Victory!" -Jonathan Nelson
"I know the odds looked stacked against you, and it seems there is no way out. I know the issue seems unchangeable and that there's no reason to shout. But the impossible, is God's chance to work a miracle. So just know..it AIN'T over -until God says its over! It ain't over until God says it's DONE. Keep fighting until your victory is won!"- Maurette Brown Clark
81 days to go Folks! When I first heard I was pregnant-I thought oh God, this is gonna be an eternity-9 whole months! My oh my-how time flies! It's October and she will soon be here in January! Sure, I'm missing my beloved Howard University Homecoming today, but I can't wait until next year when I have my little Girl with me, and I can proudly call myself her Momma on the Yard next year!! Go HU! I'm there in spirit! I desperately need an HU Baby Sweatshirt!!!
My Beautiful, wonderful NYC/NJ friends threw my Baby Shower last weekend, and it was everything I hoped for! I even had friends come in from LA and Florida, along with my Family from MD and even Detroit, MI. I was so thankful! I felt so loved! It was all so SURREAL!!!! Every woman dreams about the day they will get married and the day she will have a Baby, right? Somehow, I could never envision what those days would look like for myself, shoot as the years went by and I wasn't married or was not in a relationship with a significant other-I wasn't so sure I would actually birth a child-so standing in front of my friends and loved ones at the Shower, was almost dreamlike for me. The reality has finally hit-I'm gonna be somebody's Mother!
You know folks, my theme all along has been that in spite of what seems like a "breakdown" -there is always beauty in the breakdown. It's all about perspective. I never saw this in my plan for my life-not happening this way-but God is in control-always, and you have to believe that and trust in him. The last 5 years of my life have been filled with a lot of turmoil, heartbreak, disappointments and stress, and at the same time-I've been able to see just how much I've been blessed! Even when times seem dark and you don't know how you will get through it all...if you have any kind of spiritual faith, you know that God has your back. Through it all-I knew I would win. I knew I would have "the Victory!" My Child is the Victory. (Actually that is a pretty great name for her-but alas, I've settled on another uber cool, classy name!)
As I get closer and closer to the due date, I admit I have a bit of trepidation, a bit of worry of how will I get through this by myself, yet I still have this underlying peace, calm and faith that everything is going to work out just fine-it always has. Even when I found out I was pregnant and things got progressively worse with her Father-I knew everything would be alright. And for the record, since everyone is asking me-no I have not spoken to him since July 11-the day I put him out. He has not tried to contact me, and I'm not even surprised. He is too wrapped up in his own sick mind to think about anyone but himself...and honestly, I've had a peaceful pregnancy without his toxic presence. So don't feel sorry for me, as it is another Blessing from God. See-it's all about perspective folks.
Anywhoo, even for the people that couldn't make the Shower, I'm getting gifts daily-and I'm soooo Thankful! I'm blessed folks! In all things give thanks! I just have to say it here-I love you all-thanks for being supportive and for being a help to me. I keep positive people around me, and those who are not, I remove. It's critical and essential that I'm surrounded with good energy from loving, non-judgemental people for me and my Baby. I may not see some of you all the time, but thanks for being around when I need you. I'm living a "Blessed" life.
At the Shower, I realized once again how many good people are really around me. My Baby and I are not really alone-there are folks that I can call on. There are people who wish the best for us. Love attracts Love -and a Baby is Love. I'm Grateful. I'm Thankful. I'm Loved. Now all this love that I've had to give will be given to Her...God knew I had it to give, and now He has given me someone to Love the way I've always wanted to Love.. and SHE deserves it. In the end, it will all come back to Me, from her.